Wednesday Whine: State Fair, just be over already

 

Oh how I wish I was this guy...or any of the other classy folks in the background.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I tend to complain a lot. And not about one specific thing or group of pet peeves either. I complain about it all. So does a good friend of mine, who we’ll just call Earl at this point. We tend to send each other text-rants or absurdly long Facebook chat messages doing nothing more than complain. More often than not they start with a question, like “why the heck would somebody do this?” Another popular conversation starter is “I can’t stand it when…”

It’s quite comical. During one of our more recent complain-athons, Earl suggested this become a weekly installment on the blog. Well Earl, here you have it. This is the first of what will be a weekly post where I can do nothing more than complain. Trivial, yes. But at times completely necessary.

And since it’s mid-October and I can smell funnel cake from my front steps, what better topic to start with than the State Fair? Ah yes, the annual excuse to judge pigs, ride a Ferris Wheel and eat lots of deep-fried crap. This year’s theme is “celebrate what’s great.” Let’s not and say we did.

While the State Fair is a great showcase of North Carolina agriculture (which I do realize is hugely important to the economy of NC, etc.), its negatives far outweigh its positives in my opinion. How many average fair goers even go for the agriculture part of the experience? Most go for concerts in run-down Dorton Arena and for terrible, overpriced food.

When I decided on the State Fair as my initial rant, I sent Earl a text asking for some input. For the sake of clarity, I’m just going to take what she sent and make it a bolded list of State Fair awfulness. The bolded words are from one epic text I received this morning. Here goes.

Greasy air

This one I didn’t quite get until Earl explained it. She said when she gets home from the fair she feels like her pores are literally clogged with grease to the point she feels like a “15-year-old boy with acne.” That makes perfect sense and completely explains the cloud I’ve been able to see from my house the last week. Fair food has to be some of the unhealthiest food on the face of the planet. Fried Oreos? Seriously? Why is that necessary?

Prices are stupid

Whether it’s paying to park, get in or eat, prices are way beyond absurd. And that’s if you go by yourself. I can’t imagine taking a family of four. Better hit the ATM on the way in. The one perk that does seem to be fairly reasonable are the prices of tickets for the numerous concerts throughout the week. I saw Eric Church in 2009 for $10, even though I couldn’t hear much due to Dorton’s…umm…older sound system. I understand the money spent at the fair itself goes to good use, but the high prices are laughable.

Traffic

This is the one I identify with, and curse, the most. Due to my place of residence being just up the street from the fair grounds, I’ve dealt with the traffic nearly every time I’ve left my house in the last week. And it’s not like traffic in the Edwards Mill Rd./Duraleigh area isn’t bad enough already at times. Nothing quite like 40,000 rednecks (and I use this term in the most positive way possible) trying to find parking at 6 p.m.

Overweight white trash people

Couldn’t have said it better myself Earl. Now I understand that fat rednecks are all over North Carolina, but the State Fair allows them the chance to meet up and hang out. So we go from 10 Bubba’s on a porch in Johnston County to 40,000 of them a couple of square miles. Scary, at the very least. And all those folks certainly don’t help the smell/greasy thing one bit. Oh well, this one certainly won’t get any better.

And perhaps the worst part about the whole thing is how inevitable my one yearly visit is. Regardless of how hard I try, someone forces me to go at least once a year. Not sure when it’ll happen in 2010, but it will. I feel like Larry the Cable guy. “Heck no I ain’t going to the fair.” Well we were in line to get funnel cake…

I feel so much better after getting all that out. Like I said earlier, sometimes just ranting a little is what we all need. And why not do it from a keyboard? It keeps you from smacking people upside the head. It also allows people to complain about your complaints when they respond and defend whatever you just bashed. I can’t wait for those this week.

I’d like to thank Earl for her contributions to this week’s whine. Also, if you have whines of your own, I’d love to hear them. Comment below or tweet them and I’ll work them into next week’s installment.

Stay tuned for more…and while I’m on a Larry the Cable Guy kick, enjoy this.